Monday, September 10, 2007

So, your husband wants to be a Deacon

So, your husband wants to be a Deacon and all that is going through you head is “Run Forest Run”. Don’t feel like you are the only one that has ever had this feeling! When Tom decided he wanted to be a Deacon I took one look at the other Deacon’s wives that I said to myself “Self you will never make it, those women are way too pious, they will never accept you”. While some Deacon’s wives certainly act as though their name is Rev. Mrs. Deacon, but most of them are just like me. They are trying to figure out where they fit into their husband’s new found calling. If they have been a Deacon’s wife for awhile most have settled into the role and feel comfortable with their “lot” in life. Then there is me! I am not your average 60 year old Grandmother. Someone once remarked to Tom that I had no trouble thinking outside the box and Tom replied “she never knew there was a box”.
I enjoy life as much if not more than anyone I know. Laughter is a big part of my life and I love nothing more than making others smile. My hair is gray and I ware it in pretty much in a crew cut (the shorter the better). For the most part I do not wear makeup and I have several tattoos. Talk about worrying that you would not fit in – I am a poster child for not fitting in! I made a decision when Tom started the process that I would not let the fact that he was a Deacon change me. I am happy to report that to date I am still “me”.
What I have learned through the process is that most folks could care less how I look they are more concerned about how I will treat them. Now don’t get me wrong I would never attend Mass dressed improperly and I can cover my “art work” if I feel it will not be understood. I do not feel that I am selling out to the “establishment” I am being respectful to my husband and his position. My Mom use to ask “What do you think God will say when you get to heaven about those tattoos”. My answer – Don’t think He will much care about my outward appearance, and I was sure banking on a new body.
If you husband had dropped the bomb and you are still trying to decide where he got this idea – chances are that he heard that small still calling from the Holy Spirit. Relax – if God has brought him to it God will bring both of you through it. Spend time in prayer. Talk with your husband express your fears and concerns. Talk to a Deacon’s wife – one that doesn’t look too stiff. Send me an email; I will help if I can.
The one thing I am certain of is that your husband cannot make it through formation let alone perform his duties as a Deacon if he does not have your total support.
My prayer is that God will grant you a special portion of His grace as you move through this decrement period.


  1. oh God bless you for sharing this!!
    My husband is a new deacon, and i am struggling as a deacons wife to know how to support him. I have also had issues with not fitting in, being 'proper',and I struggle with being judged by other women. Your blog posts have been such an encouragement to me today-thank you!

  2. Thank you so very much for the comment! I never know if I am helping or scaring folks to death! If I can help in any way please give me a shout!

  3. Thank you for everything you have written. After reading several months worth of bloggs I feel like you are a friend from whom I can seek advice
    I am engaged to a man (late summer wedding) who has felt a strong calling most of his adult life. He considered the priesthood in his mid 20s then had a nonsacramental marriage - but even then condisered a vocation as a deacon. We have discussed his formation as a deacon after his (now 12 year old) son is in highschool. Both our lives are service centered (I am a serial volunteer both parish and others; he is a special ed teacher) I think I can handle his calling - but I'm concerned about the extra time pressures, the "church ladies" and keeping my mouth shut. I haven't shared this with my man. Is there a good way to aproach it? Is there any way I can know if I can handle his calling?
    Finding your blog has been a God send to me - Thank you.
    I will keep your deacon in my prayers as he fights his illness.
    God bless you

  4. melalovesj@aol.comFriday, February 20, 2009

    Wow your story is touchie to me. Well I been a deacon's wife for 1 full year and things are happening, but I thank you for taking me through ruff trials because i will learn more
    this is my email please do write.