Friday, July 27, 2007

Does God have a smit button?

I saw a bumper sticker today that said “Caution in case of rapture this car will be empty”. Since I was a little kid I have heard talk about the “Rapture”. That it will happen in the twinkling of an eye. Two will be working in the field and then there will be one. When I was young the thought of the “rapture” scared the bee juice out of me. The threat of the rapture along with the tomb stone in our little county church that read – Enoch walked with God then he was no more - gave a kid a lot to ponder. The best I could figure it out when the “rapture” hit all the Godly folks would float up to heaven leaving those not so Godly people here on earth. I knew those left behind would be busy for a few days getting all the cars off the roads and cleaning up the airplanes that crashed so I would have time to put my plan into action. I knew that God had been keeping score since the day I was born and I was a bit short in the Godly department I would be one of the ones left behind. I had a dog named Skipper that I tried to keep with me at all times. Remember we lived in the country and I was free to wander without supervision. My thought was that Skipper was the best dog in the whole wide world and if the “rapture” occurred while I was out walking in the woods or going down the road to visit family Skipper would suddenly disappear and I would know that the “rapture” had hit. I knew that my Dad would be taken up but figured it was a pretty safe bet that Mother and I would be left behind. My plan was: as soon as Skipper hit the wind I would run home and Mother and I would take out looking for my cousins – I knew for a fact they would be left behind! If for no other reason than for all the things they had done to me. Together we would form our own little city and take care of each other. My plan did not go much further than uniting with my Mom and my derelict cousins. I have no idea what I felt I had done at age 8 or so that was so bad that I would forfeit my right to leave on the rapture express. But in my little pea brain I figured God was looking down from heaven and keeping up with every single little bad thing I did and I always had to keep the score even. In my mind’s eye I knew God’s scale was not tipped in my favor. Not sure how this notion formed, I guess something I heard at church got kind ‘a twisted in my young mind.
I would like to report that around the age of 12 or so I came to the realization that God did not have a smite button He was subject to push at any moment. Unfortunately it was much later in life before I understood and accepted the love and grace of my Heavenly Father. Trying to balance God’s scales followed me well into my adult life. I just could not imagine myself worthy of God unconditional love. Trust me I was not a bad person, for the most part I was a very loving and caring person. Just never caring or loving enough to balance the scale in my favor.
Now liberating it was when I finally realized that I was worthy of God’s love and grace. The realization that God was not out “to get me” but wanted the very best that life had to offer literally brought me to my knees. To know and understand that I could ask for forgiveness and receive was an awesome feeling.
I know longer believe that the “rapture” will leave empty cars and airplanes. My Mom and Dad have both died and I know they are BOTH in heaven enjoying every moment in God total presence. I also know I will be there with them one day – although I might not make it on the express elevator a stop in purgatory won't be a bad thing!
As for Enoch walking with God and then he was not more – when I was a kid I made sure God was never where I walked! Now I pray that He is with me every step I take.

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