To Blessed to be stressed .......

I am stressed out – if I had a dollar for every time I have heard that statement over the past 2 weeks I would have – well, I would have enough money to buy a really nice pair of shoes. Stress makes people react in different ways. Some people eat – hey I will use any excuse to eat – some people get very quiet and withdraw – this is not my style – some people sleep a lot – heck I wish I could sleep – some people cry – I am not a crier unless it is a sad movie – some people go home and take it out on their family – hey it is just me and Tom and I can’t afford to tick him off he might stop cooking, if I kick one of the dogs it would break my and their hearts – some people take it out on store clerks, resident managers, maintenance men, leasing agents, bookkeepers or regional manager – anyone that they can feel superior to. I think the latter is the hardest for all of us to deal with. Why would Ms. Smith in 101 that sent me a Thank You note last week come in today and curse me out? Why would Mr. Jones stop me in the parking lot and jump my case when he was so thankful last week when I fished his watch out of his toilet? Why would Jane in bookkeeping be so rude to me today when last week she told me a really fully joke when I called. Why would my boss tell me in one breath that I was doing a great job and in the next tell me that I could “hit the road” if I did not like the way things were being done?
Oh, we all get those “a—chewing” that we deserve, and we KNOW when we deserve them – then there are the ones that come out of nowhere and make us feel like we have just hit the “Twilight Zone”. You know the ones that you walk away from shaking our heads trying to figure out where things went south.
Well, folks I hate to say - but it ain’t about you. As big as our ego maybe for the most part when someone dumps on us for no reason there is a much deeper cause for the outburst. Maybe they had a fight with their spouse that morning, maybe their boss just jumped on them and you know the ole saying “IT rolls down hill”. Worst case scenario they are truly just on rude son of a gun taking advantage of their position.
For the most part we will never know why today someone chose to rain on our parade. What we have to realize is that the venom we are sprayed with does not determine our worth. No one should ever be allowed to take away our dignity and pride. But so often we allow these encounters to “color” the picture we carry in our minds eye of our own worth. As self confident as we all want those around us to perceive our actions, for the most part we are all seeking approval. Just like a little kid we want others to tell use “Good Job” – or at least say thank you.
GET OVER IT LIFE AIN’T FAIR AND IT AIN’T GOIN TO START WITH US!
So, the next time you are feeling “stressed out” try not to pay it forward – and if someone “rains on your parade” say a little prayer for them and Thank God that you are TOO BLESSED to be STRESSED, or plot their demise – but that is such a waste of a perfectly good hour, day or week.
Keep smiling and remember – You are somebody cause God don’t make no junk! Or as in my case I am still a work in progress – in His time not mine.

Car Salesman - God Bless them all........

We went to buy a new car this weekend. Buying cars is a task that I usually do alone! There are two things in life that Tom hates. One is going to the dentist and the other is – you guessed it – shopping for a new car. I did as much leg work on the internet as possible prior to venturing out in public with the car salesman loathing Deacon. This is a man that makes his money selling heating and air systems and has the highest margin of profit in the company. You would think he would enjoy the “dance” that car salesmen do. You know where they give you a price and you say that is too high, then they say they will go ask their manager if he can do any better. They go behind some mysterious closed door count to 100 then come back out and present you with the best deal they have seen all day. You start to leave and they play run and touch the wall again. After a couple of hours you reach a price that you think you can live with everyone is happy UNTIL – you have to go into that dark office at the end of the hall with the guy wearing a visor and has a pencil behind his ear. Somehow the good deal you thought you were getting is now costing you $2,500 more than it was 20 minutes ago. Then there is the extended warranty spill and the gap insurance talk. When you think you have heard it all you get the life insurance and maintenance song. Finally you get down to signing the papers. Tom wants all of this to take place in less than 30 minutes. I spent 3 days haggling with the salesman before I bought my Bug.
I arranged for financing before we hit the lots. I called and talked to several internet salesmen and had narrowed the search to a local dealer. Off we went. The guy I spoke with on the internet passed us off to another guy – I had asked that they have the two cars we were interested in as close to the show room as possible. Well, that did not happen – off to a bad start already! When the salesman locates the car he did not have the keys so we stand in the hot sun for 15 minutes waiting for him to locate the keys. To my knowledge he never did! We went back in the show room and Tom told the guy he did not need to drive the car just tell him the bottom line price. The guy comes back with a sheet with the sticker price one it. Blood pressure is now going up. Tom informed the guy that he was not going to pay sticker price – then the guy made what turned out to be the death nail – “do you not want me to make any money on the car”. We are out the door folks! Of course the general manager comes chasing after us and offers Tom $2,500 off the car. This just served to tick Tom off more. He told the guy he had ask for his best price and told it was the sticker price now all of a sudden he had “found” $2,500 he could take off. We left. We went to CarMax and to tell you the truth if they had been able to find what Tom wanted we would have bought it from them. They had very few Toyota’s – they guy said they sell as quickly as they get them in.
Time to take a break – Tom went to Mass and I stayed home and made a few more calls. I called a dealership not far from the house and spoke to the internet salesman – he sounded 12 on the phone. I told him what we were looking for and he said – I have the EXACT car for your husband! Son, son if you only knew that you were about to meet a man of the cloth that seems to lose his religion when he enters a car dealer. I talked to Eric for quite awhile, I explained the problem. I made an appointment for 7 pm. I do not know who the patron saint of car salesmen is but I suggested to this kid that he find out and sent up a prayer – I would be doing the same. When we arrived Eric came running out. Heavens, he was only 12, you could not help but like the kid. He had the car front and center – no waiting for keys and no standing in the heat. From the moment I saw the car I knew it was Tom. We drove it – then Tom asking the ever telling question – What is your best price. Eric was prepared – I had informed him that he would have one shoot. Eric did me proud! It took us almost 2 hours to make the deal, sign the paperwork and clean out the old car. Not the 30 minutes that Tom had hoped for but not the 4 hours that I was afraid of. The kid was funny, he kept asking me if Tom was doing OK and for the most part he was.
Could someone please explain to me how a man with infinite patients when dealing with the sick and dying, with someone that is down on their luck and needs a willing ear or the parishioner that did not quite understand the homily can become the epiphany of impatience when doing something as mundane as buying a car. I have pondered this question many times and I think the answer quite simply is – a car for Tom is not a status symbol, it is not an extension of his personality or his self worth. A car is simply the means by which he gets from one place to another. In his mind buying it should be like buying a pair of shoes – these are the one I want , they are the color I like, they fit and the price is printed right on the box!
The readings today were about Vanity – how “STUFF” takes the place of God in our life. For most of us this is so very true – if you want to talk about “stuff” I got stuff – for Tom stuff is simply “Stuff” – his eyes are on the final reward and he want need any “stuff” when he heads HOME.
Lord, help me to lay aside “stuff” and put you first and foremost in my life.

I have part-timers!

I have part-timers! No, I do not have Alzheimer because most of the time my brain functions as it should. Then there are those times when I walk into a room and have no idea what I am there for. Today someone ask for my cell phone number, this is a number I have repeated no less than a million times, for the life of me I could not remember the last 2 numbers. I have never been good with names so as long I as do not forget my husbands or the kid’s names I figure I am ahead of the game. I lose my keys and glasses on regular bases. For the most part that does not bother me, except for the times that Tom tells me they are on top of my head. So, I have decided I do not have Alzheimer, I have part-timers. It is like when a tape hits a blank spot then starts up again. It is just a momentary blank spot in my tape. My greatest fear is that I will wake up one morning and my entire tape will be blank.
I am not trying to make light of a serious disease. Quite the contrary – Tom had two uncles die from this awful debilitating disease. They suffered for many years as did the family. Tom and I have also visited several people over the pasted years for church that had Alzheimer’s. It is so hard to watch a once brilliant person struggle to figure out how to put on their shoes and socks. Thankfully there comes a point when the suffer no longer remembers that he does not remember. While this is comforting for them it is so very difficult for their family.
So, you see I have seen this diease up close and personal and I am truly worried. If this horrible diease should be my cross someday I can only pray that I can fade quietly into that dark night without my family having to suffer. One lady that Tom and I use to visit never failed to say when we left “now don’t forget next week I will not know who you are”. True to her word, the next week we had to spent 5 minutes explaining who we were. She could not remember what church she attended, but she never forgot a word of the prayers we prayed with and for her. One man we visited in a nursing home insisted that the Pope had lunch with him every day. Niki, a lady we visited for many years, had a lucid moment and told me that she knew she was a pain in the ass but that God would bless me someday for coming to see her. I agreed with her and told her to tell me again, and she did. Niki lived with her daughter and one day she called and said that she just could not deal with it any longer. Niki was convinced that someone had stolen her bedroom, not the whole house just her bedroom. I went over and spent some time with Niki. I agreed with her that indeed her bedroom had been stolen but I had it on good authority that they would bring it back before time for her to go to bed. She was content with my solution. My heart broke for a daughter that could not accept, at that moment, that her once intelligent and strong Mother no longer existed.
A lady at church who's Mother ended her worldly journey this week after not being among for several years. Her daughter never missed a Sunday bring her Mom to mass. Again I saw someone that did not recognize the daughter sitting beside her but did not miss a word in the prayers that we prayed.
I am left with this question: if someday that veil of darkness covers my mind will my faith have been strong enough that I will remember the prayers?

Lord, please give a special portion of Your grace to all the families that are touched by this horrible disease.

Wondering mind

There was a lot of talk about prayer this week at Mass. Any time there are talks about prayer it sets my mind to wondering. Well, most anything will cause my mind to wonder; sometimes it wonders so far I have no idea where it is. It always makes me feel guilty when the priest talks about prayer (hey, I am Catholic and we all have miles on our frequent flyer's card from guilt trips). I have been on retreat after retreat on different types of prayer. I attended a silent retreat on prayer and almost drove the nun that was the retreat master crazy. I have no idea what I was thinking when I signed up for a silent retreat other than the fact that Tom attended one and love it. I think I made it about 2 hours before I started texting Marian. At the end of the weekend the nun asked each of us what we would take away from the retreat, I replied “That I will never attend another silent retreat”. I drove 4.5 hours twice to attend centering prayer retreats. At one retreat we spent a lot of time in meditation, we had yoga classes, we drew pictures of our “inner child”, and mine looked like a stick figure with a skirt on. I have had my chakras cleansed and my pressure points determined by a pendulum. I have drummed to the inner beat of my heart song. I sat in front of a singing bowl and let myself float with the high pitched drown. I attended a Native American retreat and sat in a sweat lodge. I bought meditation tapes by the dozens. I tried aroma therapy. I have burned so many incenses that the fire department showed up. I bought Catholic and Christian prayer books. I had chaplets and beautiful rosaries. All of this was done in my attempt to learn how to talk to God, in other words pray.
I wanted to be able to sit down and do something that would immediately put me in contact with God. I was looking for a way to access God quickly so that I could get the answers to MY problems. I wanted His full attention and I wanted it NOW! There had to be a way to accomplish this if only I find the right “something” to do, or the right “thing” to listen to. I am sorry to say I never found the Holy Grail for quick access to God through prayer.
I may have been the only Mother in history told not to breast feed because the doctor was afraid I would never sit still long enough for the baby to finish. You have heard of a type A personality well I have a A++ personality – I just don’t have time to waste sitting still. Hey, I only got some many minutes to live and I don’t want to waste any of them!
Centering prayer put me to sleep. Meditation caused my mind to wander. The singing bowl makes my dog howl. Aroma therapy made me hungry. Burning incense takes Tom off the deep end and it would be a full time job for someone to keep my chakras clear. So I had to find something that worked for me.
I have finally learned that one does not need a special place or a thing to pray. I have learned that immediate access to God is as easy as saying “Here I am Lord”. I pray when I drive, I pray when I sit on the front porch and watch the sun set, I pray when I walk around the yard looking at all the beautiful things God has put on earth for me to enjoy. I pray when I watch the news for people I don’t even know. I pray when I pass a wreck on the express way. I pray when I see a homeless person that I cannot stop to help. I pray at Mass. I still have my prayer room, wonderful meditation tapes that I listen to from time to time and beautiful rosaries. These “things” still serve a purpose from time to time. But most of the time all I need is an open heart and a willing spirit.
By the way A COUPLE of other thing I learned along the way – sometimes it is best just to listen to what He has to say and remember God does not wear the same watch that we do – so answers are subject to His time not ours.

Does God have a smit button?

I saw a bumper sticker today that said “Caution in case of rapture this car will be empty”. Since I was a little kid I have heard talk about the “Rapture”. That it will happen in the twinkling of an eye. Two will be working in the field and then there will be one. When I was young the thought of the “rapture” scared the bee juice out of me. The threat of the rapture along with the tomb stone in our little county church that read – Enoch walked with God then he was no more - gave a kid a lot to ponder. The best I could figure it out when the “rapture” hit all the Godly folks would float up to heaven leaving those not so Godly people here on earth. I knew those left behind would be busy for a few days getting all the cars off the roads and cleaning up the airplanes that crashed so I would have time to put my plan into action. I knew that God had been keeping score since the day I was born and I was a bit short in the Godly department I would be one of the ones left behind. I had a dog named Skipper that I tried to keep with me at all times. Remember we lived in the country and I was free to wander without supervision. My thought was that Skipper was the best dog in the whole wide world and if the “rapture” occurred while I was out walking in the woods or going down the road to visit family Skipper would suddenly disappear and I would know that the “rapture” had hit. I knew that my Dad would be taken up but figured it was a pretty safe bet that Mother and I would be left behind. My plan was: as soon as Skipper hit the wind I would run home and Mother and I would take out looking for my cousins – I knew for a fact they would be left behind! If for no other reason than for all the things they had done to me. Together we would form our own little city and take care of each other. My plan did not go much further than uniting with my Mom and my derelict cousins. I have no idea what I felt I had done at age 8 or so that was so bad that I would forfeit my right to leave on the rapture express. But in my little pea brain I figured God was looking down from heaven and keeping up with every single little bad thing I did and I always had to keep the score even. In my mind’s eye I knew God’s scale was not tipped in my favor. Not sure how this notion formed, I guess something I heard at church got kind ‘a twisted in my young mind.
I would like to report that around the age of 12 or so I came to the realization that God did not have a smite button He was subject to push at any moment. Unfortunately it was much later in life before I understood and accepted the love and grace of my Heavenly Father. Trying to balance God’s scales followed me well into my adult life. I just could not imagine myself worthy of God unconditional love. Trust me I was not a bad person, for the most part I was a very loving and caring person. Just never caring or loving enough to balance the scale in my favor.
Now liberating it was when I finally realized that I was worthy of God’s love and grace. The realization that God was not out “to get me” but wanted the very best that life had to offer literally brought me to my knees. To know and understand that I could ask for forgiveness and receive was an awesome feeling.
I know longer believe that the “rapture” will leave empty cars and airplanes. My Mom and Dad have both died and I know they are BOTH in heaven enjoying every moment in God total presence. I also know I will be there with them one day – although I might not make it on the express elevator a stop in purgatory won't be a bad thing!
As for Enoch walking with God and then he was not more – when I was a kid I made sure God was never where I walked! Now I pray that He is with me every step I take.

Hitch in my get-a-long!

Have you ever been sailing along thinking life is good and all of a sudden out of nowhere you get a hitch in your get along? Well, this week I received such a hitch! I have been with the same company for almost 10 years. Tuesday a meeting was called. The beginning of the email sounded like a jury summons. You know the one - setting all business aside. There were to be no excuses accepted you would be there. In all the years I have been with the company that has never happened so I had enough sense to know something was up. Speculation ran ramped among those that had been summoned to the Ivory Tower. None of us ever suspected what we were to learn at 1:45 Tuesday afternoon. The owners of the company have made the decision that they are going to sell the management company. AND they had the new guys there to say Hello. Where did this come from, had we all been asleep and missed the signs that this was about to happen? Who knows! All I know is I will soon be working for a company that I did not apply to.
I think overall it will be a good thing especially for the younger employees. Some have advanced as far as possible with the company. Having new owners that plan to grow the company will open new areas of opportunity for current employees that were not available before. Let me be the first to say God Bless all of those that want to climb the corporate ladder – but it ain’t me babe.
I am just not up to the task of climbing, I am real happy sitting on my little rung. Just too dang old! I was in great hopes that I would be able to ride out my final years of employment with the current company and fade quietly into the sunset and becoming the greeter at Wal-Mart. Being the Greeter at Wal-Mart has long been a dream of mine. To stand at the door and simply smile and wave at people has to be the greatest gig going. No one ever yells at the Greeter. No one ever expects the Greeter to make decisions that may impact a person for the rest of their life. No one ever ask to borrow money from the Greeter. The greeter does not have a To Do List that never gets done. The Greeter never looks at his watch and realizes that it is 3 pm and he has not had lunch or gone to the bathroom all day. The Greeter simply greets. Yeah, that the job for me!
So, here I am at almost 60 standing at yet another crossroads. OK God, I hear you laughing! Glad to be of entertainment value for you again. I know that if God has brought me to it He will bring me through it. I know that God’s will in my life is so much better for me than I could ever imagine. So, I will let go and let God. That does not mean that I will not work hard, I firmly believe that God helps those that help themselves. I will work hard to make the acquisition go smoothly and will continue to work hard for the new owner’s. Just hope they don’t ask this old crippled up woman to jump too high.
Don’t ever take anything or anyone for granted. Things can change with a blink of an eye or the shake of a hand.

When I am an old lady!

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness...just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on the furniture...wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) When they cook dinner and call me to eat, I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, And when they get angry...I'll run...if I'm able! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, And play in the mud 'til the end of the day! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!" God Bless All Moms and Grandmas and Greatgrandmas Everywhere!